Thursday, April 9, 2009

InsPAWration - The Funny Things Animals Do

As you probably know by now, I'm hard at work on my new book. My first book The Dogs of Ron Burns took a serious tone as it highlighted working dogs, like those that do search and rescue. This book, titled Rufus Rhymes, will be much lighter as the book's imagery is inspired by the playful and everyday humorous anecdotes everyone with animals in their home sees on a daily basis.

Here are a few of my favorite animal related funnies...

From The Onion: Dog Experiences Best Day of His Life for 400th Consecutive Day
"SANTEE, CA—Family dog Loki experienced the best day of his life for the 400th straight day Monday, the black Labrador retriever reported. "I got to go outside! I got to sniff the bush!" Loki said, wagging excitedly. "I saw a squirrel and I barked at it and it ran up the tree! Then I came back inside, and the smoky-smelling tall man let me have a little piece of bacon and then I drank from the toilet!" Loki will experience the best day of his life once again tomorrow, when he digs a hole, chews on a slipper, and almost catches his tail"

From an E-mail a Collector Sent: The Diaries

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary....

8 AM - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 AM - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 AM - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 AM - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5 PM - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
10 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a cat's diary....

Day 983 of my captivity - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfect clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Damn them!

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now....

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